Ok so, no goal can be achieved if not goal is in place. I know better than to expect myself to be a better version without picking some Point B. So here we are. Let's start with, when I was fit, what did I get out of it? What did I enjoy most? Is it reasonable to keep that going?
After I'd lost all that weight, I felt okay with myself. I had higher hopes for what was to come. I figured I was perfectly capable of being wanted. My struggle lately has been fighting the bleakness of a boring life and any cynical thought that enters my head. What came first, the muscle or the happiness?
I guess the bottomline is to have faith in the fact that a happy body at least helps to have a happy mind. I don't want to give up like I've been doing these past couple of months. On, off, on off. It's fucking ridiculous. I weigh about 168 lbs now and that blows. What's a good goal weight to start with?
158 lbs
As for putting in the work - it was just lifting weights I would trounce that shit. But cardio and me.. "YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US, CARDIO." Maybe find an alternative. Note to Google..
One thing for sure that I'm gonna have to keep on top, for shizzle, is my mood and thoughts. I can't let work, co-workers, or generally thinking less of myself get in the way. Am I as awesome as I want to be right now? Fuck no. But I have to put in the WORK to get to evading that self-hate crap. I might be a short, nice guy, less-than-averagely equipped dude with a mediocre job and 20th century car buuuuut.. who gives a fuck? I want to hike trails, lift things with ease, find person(s) I can express myself with and be challenged by. I've always wanted more. I always thought that strictly translated to all things food, drugs, and self-destruction.. but hey, wanting more of happy things is another option. Strange to think that thought hadn't come to me until I actively started seeking out alternatives to alcohol. And trying to be honest with myself.
So I got knee deep in hiking hype last night. I'm torn between just going out by myself (as usual), or do I acquire a partner or look into a group? I guess I've got time to decide. I think by the end of fall I would like to say I went camping in the way I haven't camped. Real camping! I love my technology but it's things like that that I think would be the perfect reset button.
I like the fact that I'm looking forward to the trails especially with all this weight loss talk. I have my goal and I have a real purpose for that goal (aside from good health, of course, but I'm young and naive and will live forever, right?).
Dear stubborn self,
Hit up your brother and his nice girlfriend. They're active. They'd take you along. Stop being embarrassed.
Wrap it up:
- Don't eat like crap
- Think of ways to move more
- Don't let shitty people bring ya down
- You go, girl
No comments:
Post a Comment